EPISODE 4: Jenny Gaither
Dominique Astorino 00:00
INTRO
Hello everyone and welcome back. Welcome back. This is your captain speaking Dominique and we are rockin and rollin through summertime. I hope everyone is applying and reapplying their SPF spending some more time outside safely soaking up the sun getting those hot girl walks in. If not, maybe carve out some time right now you can take me with you. I'll go on that hot girl walk! Quick check in, how are you feeling? How are things with your mental health, your finances, your relationships? What about your home life, your projects and your work? What about your physical health and your fitness? And lastly, how are you doing with your confidence levels and insecurities? Did any of my questions right now just bring any of that up?
Today I have brought in someone to give you the pep talk of a lifetime. All of us regardless of age, gender, background, economic status, career status, whatever. All of us deal with insecurities. And there are certain things in life that trigger those insecurities from time to time. Yeah, in order for us to live more happily to live with that feeling of freedom liberation levity. radiants insert feelgood adjective here. It is so important to learn how to overcome or at least integrate those feelings of insecurity and step into our most confident selves. Do I sound like an inspirational cat poster? Maybe a little bit.
To help us with all of this. I invited certified confidence and mindset coach one hell of a title. Jenny Gaither, founder of brave babe confidence and mindset coaching. She's the host of the podcast dive deep with Jenny. You may already know her as a former master SoulCycle instructor, creator of the movement Foundation, and she's a competitive dancer to boot. I became friends with Jenny when we both lived in San Francisco, I used to aggressively ride front row and her Marina class shout out to anyone who's in those classes front row. She fundamentally changed my confidence level and my feelings about my body. Thanks to Jenny, I now have the unbridled audacity to wear sports bras willy nilly in public regardless of setting. Thank you, Jenny.
From that point onward, she has been a massive inspiration to me from afar when she lived in New York, and now she's in San Diego. So I'm obviously so thrilled and so grateful to have her here, my hometown. I don't think it's a stretch to say that virtually all of us have asked at one point: How do we become more confident? So that's exactly what we're going to talk about today.
INTERVIEW
Welcome, Jenny. We are so happy you're here with us. Thank you for coming down to the studio and your new hometown.
Jenny Gaither 03:49
I could not be happier to be here on this beautiful city that is now mine.
Dominique Astorino 03:56
It's your home.
Jenny Gaither 03:57
It's so beautiful.
Dominique Astorino 03:58
You're a local, you've been to Better Buzz...
Jenny Gaither 04:00
I've been to Better Buzz.
Dominique Astorino 04:01
You've gone on all the little trail walks Torrey Pines.
Jenny Gaither 04:04
Oh my gosh, I still thought I was going for a walk. And I ended up like, on a like mountain ...
Dominique Astorino 04:10
A mountain trail. Yes.
Jenny Gaither 04:11
It's like there are mountains. Like what?
Dominique Astorino 04:13
Yeah, like sheer cliffs. Welcome.
Jenny Gaither 04:17
Thank you for having me.
Dominique Astorino 04:18
Thank you so much for being here. So listeners, we were just talking offline off Mike. I don't know about how we haven't seen each other in person in roughly four years. It's been a long time. We've been friends for a long time. And it's been a while since we've been in the same physical space. Jenny just moved from New York to San Diego. And this is the first real big conversation we've had. So thanks for... thanks for joining this wild ride buckle up. It's gonna be a fun one.
Jenny Gaither 04:46
I'm seriously so ready. I'm on the edge of my seat.
Dominique Astorino 04:50
Literally, though, because we have to have good posture with the microphone.
Jenny Gaither 04:52
Sitting so tall right now!
Dominique Astorino 04:54
Like piano posture.
Jenny Gaither 04:55
Yeah.
Dominique Astorino 04:55
Okay, cool. Cool. Cool. So well, first things first. Are you fine? How are you? What's going on in your world?
Jenny Gaither 05:01
Am I fine? That's a great question. I don't know. I? Yeah, yeah. So what's so interesting... About the four years that — four years?
Dominique Astorino 05:14
Yeah, I think so. You moved in 2018, right?
Jenny Gaither 05:16
Yeah.
Dominique Astorino 05:18
I left like that spring.
Jenny Gaither 05:19
Yeah. The world has completely changed.
Dominique Astorino 05:22
Yes.
Jenny Gaither 05:24
So it's very, like, where do we even start? You know, because it's just so much has changed. But for me personally, this past year has been the biggest life changing, altering emotionally. I don't know. I just feel like I've I've had what my friend and I joke that we are, we've gone through a rebirth.
Dominique Astorino 05:48
Yeah. A renaissance.
Jenny Gaither 05:50
Yes.
Dominique Astorino 05:50
A Jenny-ssance
Jenny Gaither 05:50
And we're baby embryos coming ... Like we're like little cocoon. We're in our cocoons coming out. Yes. We used to joke like that. We were old ladies because I'm an old soul.
Dominique Astorino 06:00
Yeah, absolutely. You are.
Jenny Gaither 06:01
And then I was like, wait, I think this is actually manifesting in me like getting sick and all the time and like, my body shutting down. So now I'm like, I'm young. I'm like this new butterfly.
Dominique Astorino 06:12
Oh, I love that so much. You know how I feel about butterflies in general. I just, I am going to call it your Jennassance. Jenny-ssance.
Jenny Gaither 06:21
I love that for me.
Dominique Astorino 06:22
Yeah. I do too this is your rebirth. I'm gonna join you. I want to be in a renaissance. A Jenny-sannce? Dommy-sance? I ... no. I've taken it too far. I've officially taken it too far. So the answer to "Am I fine?" is kinda? Yeah?
Jenny Gaither 06:36
To be continued.
Dominique Astorino 06:36
Yeah. TBD. I think that's kind of all the time, right. Like, we're both fine and not fine at the same time.
Jenny Gaither 06:42
Yeah, I think that what I've realized more recently, at 34 moving to San Diego starting my own... well, running my own business, coaching business full time for the first time, paying for my health insurance.
Dominique Astorino 07:00
It's fun, isn't it?
Jenny Gaither 07:01
Like reevaluating my life as a single woman? Like, do I want to dog or do I want to baby? Like, I don't know. Do I want to live in America? Do I want to move to Australia? Like it's just life is so interesting, because our generation is the complete opposite than our parents.
Dominique Astorino 07:22
Yeah. True!
Jenny Gaither 07:22
And we've prioritized freedom and flexibility over stability.
Dominique Astorino 07:28
Yeah.
Jenny Gaither 07:28
And I don't regret that one bit. But now that I, the world has totally caught on fire in more ways than anyone could have ever imagined. All I want is stability. And I just want to be like coddled and like just held like a bab. Yeah. Like I do. Yeah. Like I really do.
Dominique Astorino 07:50
I read... Have you read Glennon Doyle's What is it the book with like all the rainbow on the outside? Is it Untamed?
Jenny Gaither 07:57
I've read Untamed
Dominique Astorino 07:58
is that... that's what I'm talking about. Right? It's like rainbows and sparkles on the outside..? "Free yet held." That is like the most succinct way to put it. I think about this all the time. You want to feel free yet held. I sometimes talk about this like a balloon with a paperweight like the little anchor so you can like fly around. But then you've got that little bit of stability. A balance of the two. Right?
Jenny Gaither 08:18
Exactly. That's Libra in me too.
Dominique Astorino 08:21
Yeah, that's my Libra moon.
Jenny Gaither 08:22
Yeah, so I find... Oh, you're Libra moon?!
Dominique Astorino 08:25
Yeah, girl.
Jenny Gaither 08:25
SHOOK... I just ... do see my eyes.
Dominique Astorino 08:27
Yeah. I DO! In real time. So you know, we've got the vibe.
Jenny Gaither 08:33
I knew we were like connected on some levels...
Dominique Astorino 08:35
It's at that point... it's the moon-sun conjunction in our synastry. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we got it there. It's a people pleasing, indecisive, need balance, everything's beautiful and aesthetic.... Libra vibe. Yeah,
Jenny Gaither 08:51
That's me!
Dominique Astorino 08:52
Somehow every episode has come back to astrology so far.
Jenny Gaither 08:56
I mean, I'm not surprised. Yeah. I'm not surprised.
Dominique Astorino 08:59
Especially because it's me and I am annoying.
Jenny Gaither 09:01
No, I wish I knew more. But I pretend I know a lot. All I know is Kim K is also a Libra.
Dominique Astorino 09:07
She is a Libra. Yeah.
Jenny Gaither 09:09
And I I find that we have a lot of similarities.
Dominique Astorino 09:15
This is fine.
Jenny Gaither 09:15
Said no one ever.
Dominique Astorino 09:18
Oh my god. Okay. So jumping right on in from your transition from fitness. Okay, so like Soul Cycle, training, movement, literally, like Movemeant Foundation, into more of the mental health realm. Brave Babe, can you walk us through that?
Jenny Gaither 09:36
Yeah. So I find that my my whole career from studying dance in college to moving to New York City to pursue this professional career in dance. That was my dream since I was seven years old. Like I was that kid that was always clear, like, love to the question. What are you going to be when you grow up? I'm going to be a dancer.
Dominique Astorino 09:58
Yes.
Jenny Gaither 09:58
You know, like I always knew what I wanted and I find that that's something I've like, feel as a gift.
Dominique Astorino 10:04
Yes, it's rare.
Jenny Gaither 10:05
It's rare, I'd be fine. Like, my friends would get so frustrated and not have that clarity, and I wouldn't know what to tell them. And when I got to New York, and I quit dancing said an eating disorder, it was like, Oh, my God now what? Like, this whole my whole life? I've been working towards this exact moment, and I don't want it anymore. Yeah, like, what?
Dominique Astorino 10:27
That's devastating.
Jenny Gaither 10:28
It was crazy. And so when I found fitness, it was just like a transition, figure out your life, and teach cycling, because, you know, you got to make some cash, and then I ...
Dominique Astorino 10:39
Gotta pay the bills.
Jenny Gaither 10:39
Yeah. And I fell in love with coaching, I think is what it is like motivating people to see something that they can't see in themselves, or something that they felt in themselves before and have lost. And that is what I fell in love with about teaching is just really giving people this very different perspective on their life, helping them think differently, but also finding like, crazy sense of power. They may have not known that there. Yeah. And so that's what I loved about teaching at SoulCycle. And then that empowered me to start movement foundation in a way because that power as a woman, is, you know, especially at that time, which was like 2012 is, was kind of like unheard of like women were supposed to be like we feel and thin and...
Dominique Astorino 11:32
Dainty!
Jenny Gaither 11:33
Dainty. Yeah, like simple and easy going. Yeah, If I see that on a hinge profile one more time, I swear on my life. I'm like, NO, I'm not going to be easy going for you. I'm just myself, like I'm not trying to be like, an annoyance. You know what I mean?
Dominique Astorino 11:50
Yeah, totally. I think we're all like coming to terms with our own definition of femininity now.
Jenny Gaither 11:54
Yeah. And like high maintenance. Low maintenance. I used to pride myself on being like, super low maintenance. And now I'm like, no, no, I'm super high maintenance. And I'm really proud of that's fine. Yeah, it means I care about myself.
Dominique Astorino 12:09
Yeah, we're not trying to be a pick-me right now. Like, yeah, being authentic. It's okay. If you have needs and boundaries and desires, you don't have to be ashamed of any of those things.
Jenny Gaither 12:19
Totally. So yeah, I found that as a woman, it was just so not talked about, like this feeling of being strong and feeling of empowerment. And, yeah, balancing masculinity and femininity. And feeling comfortable with both and feeling comfortable being commanding and assertive and a boss. And so that's how I started Movemeant Foundation. I really wanted to take Yeah, that same sort of vision of helping people see this. Yeah, maybe potential that they never saw before. And during the pandemic, though, like a lot shifted for me, you know, I taught at SoulCycle for 11 years ... a lot of wear and tear on my body. Yeah. And then I was a professional dancer.
Dominique Astorino 13:05
I was gonna say after being a dancer for so long, and then putting all the extra strain. How are you like physically feeling now?
Jenny Gaither 13:11
You know, I don't move that often anymore. And I thought that was a really good thing, because it was honestly what my body was craving. And I really tried to just listen to my body and what it needs. But now I think I need a little more structure, to ensure that I am moving like I love walking. Yeah, the hot girl walk, the TikTok thing?
Dominique Astorino 13:34
Yeah, is the hot girl walk. I talk about this all the time. And especially like, so you remember when I was in San Francisco. I was taking your class and Luigi's class and Natalie's class in the same day. Or I would go to Barry's twice, and then hot yoga. And like working out three times a day. I wasn't an instructor. I wasn't making money. I was actually losing money doing that. But I thought I had to be working out all the time, and then coming down here and like slowing my life down. It changed everything physically mentally, like doing Pilates a few times a week like beautiful slow, like juicy lovely movement. Very dancer-esque, but I still felt strong and empowered. And then walks obviously like getting a dog helped with that significantly, but just getting out and moving for walks and like switching to low impact. Not that you know ... SoulCycle wasn't high impact, but you know, it's still a pretty gnarly workout.
Jenny Gaither 14:26
Really. Yeah, really, really was or is but yeah, I totally relate to that. I've been only drawn to really soft gentle movement. Like slow yoga. Warm yoga. Like I just again like want to be like a little baby
Dominique Astorino 14:48
Be swaddled. It's a good season. Yeah, it's a soft season.
Jenny Gaither 14:52
It's a really soft season. Yeah. Which for me is so new. Yeah. Because I'm, I feel like I have hard edges. Yeah. So it's like very interesting to like,
Dominique Astorino 14:52
you were a lot of like yin energy for a while, right? Like, really active really out and now it's kind of like that. Is it Yang or yahng? I don't know how to say it correctly, but I'm gonna pretend I do. But like, yeah, just kind of like down in a little bit more versus like, up and out.
Jenny Gaither 15:16
Yeah. And there's a lot of like, internal dialogue are on that were like conflict of like, you know, the stories of am I being lazy, my depressed right and my unmotivated you know, just questioning that it's wrong just because it's different, just because we're slowing down.
Dominique Astorino 15:32
Right. And we're so used to this like, yeah, not to like be the capitalism hater yet again, but you know, hyper capitalistic, hyper productive, you know, go go, go...
Jenny Gaither 15:41
hustle culture!
Dominique Astorino 15:42
Yeah, hustle culture, Girlboss culture, eat at your desk, go go, go, go, go, go go workout 75 times a day, like, you know... doing anything other than that feels like you're doing something wrong.
Jenny Gaither 15:54
It really does. And so I work with women now through my coaching. And I find that that's like, one of the biggest things that comes up is this constant fear that they're not doing what they're supposed to be doing, and that their path is wrong. Or like, there's just this constant guilt or fear or anxiety, that they're in the wrong place, wrong time, the wrong partner or house or job and it's just this constant questioning of themselves,
Dominique Astorino 16:25
We doubt ourselves so much. WHY? Please have the existential answer for me. Now!
Jenny Gaither 16:32
I find that a lot of millennial women have lost their moral compass along the way. And I say this just from experience from myself listening to my friends, also, clients coaching, yeah, so I think it's a lack of a moral compass or just a disconnection from it. And this outsourcing of what to do with my life or know what the right answer is by looking at what other people have chosen to do on Instagram, or just looking outside of themselves for these answers...
Dominique Astorino 17:07
For that pointing north versus the internal.
Jenny Gaither 17:09
Yeah, and also not allowing the discomfort of not knowing and just trusting yourself. And that takes, I feel like there's so many different types of strengths, right? There's physical strength, emotional strength, mental strength, and then I feel like there's like this type of strength to know that you have all of these options. But to feel that one is the right one.
Dominique Astorino 17:36
Like wisdom?
Jenny Gaither 17:37
A wisdom... a like chi.
Dominique Astorino 17:40
Yeah, like that innate energy
Jenny Gaither 17:42
Like a Yoda-ness.
Dominique Astorino 17:45
Your Yoda intelligence.
Jenny Gaither 17:47
Yeah. Very big Star Wars fan over here... no seriously.
Dominique Astorino 17:51
You're in the right place like this is the environment for you.
Jenny Gaither 17:54
Love you so much. Yeah, that you know what it is? It's not. I feel like a lot of people get that little whisper. But it's that you act on it. Especially when the Gremlins come out. Yeah. Telling you...
Dominique Astorino 18:06
*the force*
Jenny Gaither 18:08
... That is probably wrong. You're probably gonna make the wrong choice.
Dominique Astorino 18:10
Yeah, yeah, totally. That's so interesting to think like we we've externalized so much that we've lost that internal navigator, right, like our internal GPS. I feel like that's a very Abraham Hicks. I don't know if you're into any abraham hicks like the very spiritual like, manifestations. Oh, girl, you're gonna love this. If Shannon is listening right now, she gave me my first set of CDs. Like years ago when I first met her of the art of allowing and I'm going to bequeath that to you, my gosh, afternoon. I don't know if you have a CD player of mine was in my car.
Jenny Gaither 18:43
I don't. But I can definitely find one on eBay.
Dominique Astorino 18:46
We'll figure it out... I'll just get you a book. Anyway sort of derailed a little bit. But we're kind of like, I guess circle back into your coaching. You are taking all of this and putting it into your coaching and you talk about beginning brave babe this new business?
Jenny Gaither 19:03
Yeah. So when I just to like reverse back, I met you Dom in San Francisco. But then I ended up moving back to New York. And the reason I moved back to New York was I wanted to figure out what I wanted to do with my life after SoulCycle like I knew how taxing it was as a job. And I also after 11 years wanted to really push myself, it's easy to say comfortable I could have stayed forever. Honestly...
Dominique Astorino 19:31
We love being comfortable
Jenny Gaither 19:32
I love ... and I just knew again little whisper that it was time to push myself in such bigger ways and that I know I'm meant to reach more people and do more in a different capacity and sort of like outfit you know?
Dominique Astorino 19:51
But still Lululemon
Jenny Gaither 19:53
It's a full sweat suit. It's not like spandex at all anymore. I think I threw it all out.
Dominique Astorino 20:00
Oh my god!
Jenny Gaither 20:00
I was like burn it!!!!
Dominique Astorino 20:02
So over this RIP my entire wardrobe.
Jenny Gaither 20:08
Yeah. Sorry if that was gross. Apologies.
Dominique Astorino 20:14
Don't worry, there's an upcoming episode about poop. So like you're totally fine.
Jenny Gaither 20:18
Okay, so yeah, in good company.
Dominique Astorino 20:20
You're definitely not the grossest.
Jenny Gaither 20:22
Yeah. So it's funny because like, when I moved back to New York, I was having what I thought I was doing was I thought I was having coffee with a friend. And little did I know that she was pitching me to be her client, and she's a business coach.
Dominique Astorino 20:36
Oh, dang.
Jenny Gaither 20:37
And by the end, I had, like, signed on to be like her one on one client. And it was sort of like this serendipitous. Like, did you just school me like that? Like, wait, did you did that just really happen, but also very excited. And it felt very aligned. And so I think that that was where my, my vision was going, again, like taking this concept of just changing the venue. But it's like the same...
Dominique Astorino 21:04
Like a medium.
Jenny Gaither 21:05
Yeah, a medium. Exactly. There you go. Yeah. You so smart.
Dominique Astorino 21:10
I work with words a lot.
Jenny Gaither 21:12
If I'm slower today, it's because I had like two hours of sleep last night. I just couldn't.
Dominique Astorino 21:16
Girl, you're on fire. Just keep it rolling.
Jenny Gaither 21:17
So yeah, so I wanted to, um, people don't know this about me. I'm like very much an introvert. And...
Dominique Astorino 21:26
But you're good at adapting and being the extrovert when you're on stage when you need to be in the spotlight.
Jenny Gaither 21:30
Yeah
Dominique Astorino 21:31
No, I get that. Because.
Jenny Gaither 21:33
Same Yeah.
Dominique Astorino 21:34
Yeah. Super hermity. Super introverted, but very good at pretending to be an extrovert.
Jenny Gaither 21:38
Yeah!
Dominique Astorino 21:39
Cuz I like people. It's not that I don't like people, but it's just like, oh, I need so much recharging after I'm social.
Jenny Gaither 21:46
Soooo much recharging.
Dominique Astorino 21:47
Yeah.
Jenny Gaither 21:47
100% but the dancer and me loves a stage. Loves the microphone. Like...
Dominique Astorino 21:55
You're so happy to be here.
Jenny Gaither 21:57
Like, like, you do you see me now I'm animated. Yeah, gotta be a little live again. But yeah, so I definitely, I definitely love that. But there was a part I think the softness was like pulling at me like I want like a slower, more intimate setting where it's deeper conversations less like, mantras and motivational messaging, but like, taking that and then putting that into practice living it, living it. And so I just kind of, I just did it. I don't know, I filed for an LLC. And
Dominique Astorino 22:30
Was it $700 Plus, like a $22 processing fee.
Jenny Gaither 22:33
It was I don't really remember. I think I blacked out. I just I was just like, ah, if I were like, Jenny, how do you always take risks? And like, just close your eyes and click the button?
Dominique Astorino 22:46
Yeah, that's me with all of my purchases.
Jenny Gaither 22:49
Seriously, that's why you wake up and you're like, why are there 100 Amazon boxes outside?
Dominique Astorino 22:53
Yes. Oh past me was really looking out for future me... except for my finances. But I have a lot of cool things.
Jenny Gaither 23:02
Come over,!
Dominique Astorino 23:03
Come on down... All of my unnecessary possessions.
Jenny Gaither 23:08
Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So to be totally honest with you. I wasn't certified. But when I started my business, but I had been in therapy for eight years.
Dominique Astorino 23:17
That counts!
Jenny Gaither 23:19
I think so. Yeah. And obviously, just like a total self development help. Yeah, health and wellness junkie.
Dominique Astorino 23:28
You've been with so many different experts. Like I remember, you saw so many different kinds of specialists when we were in San Francisco. Yeah. So you've been exposed. Similar to my health journey, my professional journey, like we've been around so many people, I talk about how I've basically written like, 100 dissertations. Just like the quantity of work that I've put out, and the people I've interviewed on so many like, but it's like, so broad. I have no specialties just like general wellness. But you have that experience. Like maybe there's not the I don't know, like a PhD to put next to it. But you've been exposed to and you've studied and you've researched and you've learned and you've absorbed and experienced all that stuff.
Jenny Gaither 24:09
Yeah. And so like, you're so right, I feel like I've I'm a sponge, you're interested in something. You're going to your ears are open, you're available to hearing it and processing it. And when you love something and you're passionate about it, that's when you're like just already taking it and adapting it to your life. So that's how therapy, everything that you just said, I've I've been taking in as much information as I can. Forever. And so building the curriculum was just a piece of cake. I feel like it was in my brain this whole time and cool. Yeah, I just launched it and it took off which so crazy, it just like took off and it was really successful. But I felt like I had something to prove in other areas of my life and got distracted. So it was very like, on off on off on off in the sense of like It wasn't consistent. It was very part time. And not that I regret that. But I do wish that I just went for it. I just wish that I just kept going like what it was, you know, the overachiever type a person in me likes to prove myself.
Dominique Astorino 25:19
Yeah, totally.
Jenny Gaither 25:20
And so who doesn't? Yeah, but yeah, and so, you know, I didn't need to prove anything and when you surround yourself with people that make you feel that way long enough you will think that
Dominique Astorino 25:32
It's so true the right network the right support system. Yeah, I mean just during the past like a couple of weeks with you know, launching the show, it just was such a huge reminder of how big of an impact your network your community they make on your confidence levels, like what we're talking about today, like how you feel about your work yourself, but also your ability to keep going and to focus and that you know, sometimes you do need that external affirmation. I know like a lot of it like we need our internal compass or internal affirmation like to know from the inside, but it doesn't hurt when you have people who love you, like reaffirming on the outside that you're doing okay, especially when you can't see it yourself.
Jenny Gaither 26:10
Yes. Especially in the world that we live in right now. It's okay to like, want cheerleaders and new cheerleaders. We all do.
Dominique Astorino 26:20
It's so true.
Jenny Gaither 26:21
We all do and if people are making you question or doubt yourself,
Dominique Astorino 26:25
Stella?
Jenny Gaither 26:25
Stella, are you mad at the people that make me feel not enough?
Dominique Astorino 26:34
My my dog's in the studio because she's a princess and wanted to participate?
Jenny Gaither 26:40
She had things to say about that.
Dominique Astorino 26:42
Is she by you? She's at your feet, isn't she?
Jenny Gaither 26:45
She's behind me. She really felt that topic, but it was
Dominique Astorino 26:48
She compelled. Sorry.
Jenny Gaither 26:51
But yeah. So again, like the pandemic really turned things around where I used that time to do a lot of self reflection. I mean, it was alone a lot. I was in New York throughout the entire first two years of the pandemic. And let me tell you, that was life altering. That was hard. A F. So hard. And a lot of my friends are all my friends in New York. Most of them, all of them are from the East Coast. So they went home to their families. It's not like you can bring a friend during COVID. While they all would have loved to invite me. I was alone in the city a literally by myself. And so in that time, I realized how I was playing small.
Dominique Astorino 27:38
A lot of time for self reflection.
Jenny Gaither 27:40
Yeah. And I was like, Jenny, you don't play small. That's not you.
Dominique Astorino 27:43
Hell yeah, girl.
Jenny Gaither 27:44
Yeah, play small. You're gonna quit this job. And you're gonna run your business full time. And it was like, really? And then I was like, no, no, yeah. Yeah. Really great. And so I feel like I've always love. I don't know why it's so hard for us to just like, own our gifts. But yeah, I'm a creative person. I love being creative. It's my favorite thing in the whole world. And so the fact that I get to create my day, I get to create every single thing that I do. And no one can tell me no... it's the greatest gift of all time.
Dominique Astorino 28:16
Isn't that amazing.
Jenny Gaither 28:17
It's amazing! And, you know, there's obviously like, a lot of challenges to being an entrepreneur. Right? many, so many, many. But I just want to talk about all the butterflies.
Dominique Astorino 28:28
We feel good today!
Jenny Gaither 28:29
I feel really great right now. But no, and so I just, I feel like it was a really, it was like a trust exercise. Between me and myself.
Dominique Astorino 28:39
Yeah, a trust fall to yourself.
Jenny Gaither 28:41
Yeah. It's just like, You know what, we're just going to try this worst case scenario. You know, you become a barista for a while and you figure out something else. And but I'd rather take the risk than not, and suddenly
Dominique Astorino 28:54
You always have a backup plan. You're never going to 100% Fail. You've got people in your corner. Yeah.
Jenny Gaither 28:59
Oh, I had no backup plan but yeah, yeah.
Dominique Astorino 29:03
I've been there quitting with like, absolutely no backup plan and no intention of going back to an office. Yeah, totally.
Jenny Gaither 29:08
And I'm not close to... I'm working on my relationship with my family but they're not the... I'm not the...
Dominique Astorino 29:16
Like tight knit.
Jenny Gaither 29:17
No, yeah. And so I would never go live with my parents so that's not an option for me so I'm...
Dominique Astorino 29:21
Like no safety net in that way.
Jenny Gaither 29:23
Yeah, so I think that had another layer of...
Dominique Astorino 29:26
"Gotta get it done."
Jenny Gaither 29:28
You know what like, this is like, this is like quote risky and but I was like you've been surviving and like living and thriving and making a name for yourself in the craziest city of all cities. The most competitive city of all cities. Yeah. At 23 So like, you can do this at 34 So I just like honestly I'm like, What would Jenny 23 do? Because when you get older it is so true that you become a little more fearful
Dominique Astorino 29:55
Yeah, cuz you've seen repercussions. You've experienced them.
Jenny Gaither 29:59
You've lived through a lot too. And so it's like you don't want to go backwards. And it's like when people are transitioning and moving jobs, they want to go forward. They want to go. Progress. Yeah. And it's the same when you work for yourself or make these like small leap, small and massive leaps. You want to just constantly feel like you're moving forward, even if there's like a low hanging fruit that could provide you security and stability, it's like I'd much rather know that I've like really lived and took like, massive risks to be become the person that I want to be.
Dominique Astorino 30:37
Yeah. Well, that's probably also really bolstered your confidence in yourself, right, like, feeling strong and capable, because you did take the risk. And I feel like even if you know, a project or a job or something didn't succeed, you would still feel proud of yourself, and thus more confident. Is that... am I on the right track?
Jenny Gaither 30:54
100% — So I don't actually believe in failure at all. I don't,
Dominique Astorino 30:59
That's probably really helpful.
Jenny Gaither 31:00
Yeah, I don't believe in it. And the reason is, like, what is again, like, what is failure? Like, what's the worst case scenario? And, like, let's say it's very black and white, like you apply for this job, and you don't get it? Okay. So apply for a different job.
Dominique Astorino 31:16
Yeah, totally.
Jenny Gaither 31:17
Like the world moves on. It's not that you can't do what your purpose is. Right. And so I'm actually working with some clients on that as well. It's like, they were working for the Googles and the Facebooks, and they were in tech, and they were just really unhappy. And so it's like, again, change your medium. And so it's just you know, that it's so cheesy, but like, then no realigns you to something that feels almost better...
Dominique Astorino 31:45
Even better! Yeah, totally. And it sounds like my therapist who thinks like failures, like quote, unquote, failures are really just lessons like you don't learn from your successes.
Jenny Gaither 31:54
It's true.
Dominique Astorino 31:54
That's deep as hell, Dr. Newhouse!
Jenny Gaither 31:57
Is this a woman?
Dominique Astorino 31:58
No, he he's retired, which is like really bad for my mental health, but like, really nice for him.
Jenny Gaither 32:02
I was gonna say, hook me up!
Dominique Astorino 32:04
I know, I totally would have like, he's an absolute genius. Like... I was gonna say RIP, but like he's just retired and probably living his best life. He practiced for 50 years.
Jenny Gaither 32:14
Wow.
Dominique Astorino 32:14
Yeah, he's a geriatric psychiatrist. And somehow, I got paired with someone whose like average clientele is 80 years old.
Jenny Gaither 32:21
Oh my gosh, see, this is what say like, when you start saying that you're 80, You start manifesting that stuff!
Dominique Astorino 32:26
Yeah. So instead, we're pretending to be just 23 and...
Jenny Gaither 32:31
... little baby cocoon.
Dominique Astorino 32:32
Yeah. Blossoming butterflies. Okay, so like jumping right back into this confidence thing. You're coaching people on how to be their most confident self, shifting their mindset into confidence. I feel like we've talked before about how certain programs, certain communities that seem like this positive, like confidence builder, underneath, it's kind of more so stoking the fires of insecurity and like making us feel like we have to look a certain way in order to be confident. I feel like you've encountered a lot of that in your career. What are we doing now? What are you doing now with Brave babe to shift that focus and help us find authentic confidence instead of thinking we have to conform to be confident?
Jenny Gaither 33:15
Hmm, I love that question.
Dominique Astorino 33:17
Thanks!
Jenny Gaither 33:18
That's a really, really great question. Because I don't think people I think you put it, you've said it so eloquently.
Dominique Astorino 33:25
Well thank you.
Jenny Gaither 33:26
I don't think people may have like, seen it in that.
Dominique Astorino 33:29
Yeah, it can be subversive. I mean, like, I've participated in challenges and been parts of, you know, a part of communities that, you know, on the outside, it seems like, Oh, this is going to help me feel better about myself. I'm gonna feel so confident if I do this thing. If I look this way, if I've achieved whatever, you know, end goal of this program. When really it's like, oh, that means I'm not confident right now at my like A point. I'll only be confident at the B point. And that kind of erodes your confidence in a way.
Jenny Gaither 33:57
Oh, yeah. Yeah. It again, it's like they're hitting at your pain point of the Yeah, they're making you feel bad so that yeah, when you do feel better because of whatever they are attributed ... Yeah, it's because of them. But that's the wrong that's a whole that's not...
Dominique Astorino 34:16
Casually capitalizing on our vulnerabilities.
Jenny Gaither 34:20
I have so much to say about this.
Dominique Astorino 34:22
Please do.
Jenny Gaither 34:23
Oh my gosh. Okay. Gloves are coming off. Earrings are coming out.
Dominique Astorino 34:27
The hoops are out.
Jenny Gaither 34:28
Tits out. No they're not but um...
Dominique Astorino 34:39
I just choked on my soda.
Jenny Gaither 34:43
I wouldn't say and you're, y'all are probably like and y'all I say y'all cuz
Dominique Astorino 34:49
I say y'all too!
Jenny Gaither 34:50
I'm from California. Yeah, people in California say y'all.
Dominique Astorino 34:52
My friends from Tennessee, who are probably listening to this. I don't even think they say oh, maybe they do. Yeah, they probably do.
Jenny Gaither 34:59
Yeah. I definitely sa y'all. I think I was like, Southern in another life. Maybe
Dominique Astorino 35:04
It's an inclusive term! You all. I don't think they realize they're being very inclusive.
Jenny Gaither 35:08
Yeah. So take that!
Dominique Astorino 35:12
So we were talking about programs that capitalize on our vulnerabilities, they pretend to be bolstering your confidence. And really, they're kind of chipping away at it.
Jenny Gaither 35:19
Yeah. So y'all have probably realized so far that... you're like, wait, this woman's a coach. I'm definitely not your traditional coach. I there's so many things that I don't believe... that are happening and don't believe in that I see happening out there. And what I would say is, as a coach, I approach everything from the perspective of all I want the other person to experience when they work with me is their own mind. Yeah. So I am essentially a mirror as opposed to like shoving different beliefs and...
Dominique Astorino 36:00
Forcing someone to adopt your beliefs.
Jenny Gaither 36:01
Yeah, I don't believe in that at all. And I'm not here to tell you that I have my life together and that I'm the most confident, perfect person because I will tell you all of the things that as to why I'm not that right, but I I want to be a mirror. So that's that's what I do. I'm essentially helping people see themselves and there is no me and the conversation. And that's what bugs me so damn much about the other programs. Other programs in coaching industry. Fitness Industry. Like the me-me-me right show. Yeah, totally. And I'm over it. I've been over it since WAY back when!
Dominique Astorino 36:42
Yeah, no, I remember, like, even talking about a certain I'm not gonna name names or point fingers. But like, you probably remember we've had conversations, I almost worked for a company. And you're like, don't like actually it's like not good. Like, oh, well, like, Oh, you're probably right. I didn't think about that?
Jenny Gaither 36:58
Yeah, it's yeah, I find that there is a way. Oh, my gosh, today is a big day in the country. And yeah, and
Dominique Astorino 37:09
we're recording on Friday the 24th. And it's, it's a lot going on today.
Jenny Gaither 37:13
Yeah. So I think a lot about leadership, because essentially what I am is a leader in coach can be kind of a weird term, right? Because I think people can put that role as like an expert, but then you're like, what's an expert? She doesn't have a PhD? And I'm like, No, I don't You're so right.
Dominique Astorino 37:37
I have a coaching certificate, too. And I'm like, do people take me seriously?
Jenny Gaither 37:39
Yeah. And I am certified now, by the way. But I, I, you know, I offer things when people ask me, but I don't believe in advice. I don't believe in telling people what to do. I don't believe in feeding into people's stories, either. We have mind drama. So everything that I'm telling you about myself for what I did today, or what happened last month or year? It everything is most of it is thoughts. None of it is really facts, probably like one or two facts. Like I moved from New York to San Diego. And then everything else is fillers with all my mind drama, you know, yeah. And it's all of these things that we create. And so if we can create them, that's a very empowering thing to know. Because then we can change it.. And not...
Dominique Astorino 38:28
It's malleable,
Jenny Gaither 38:29
And we can feel different. And that's where you have power. That's where you have control. And so that's what I want to teach people. I'm not here to teach you. This is right, this is wrong. This is, you know, this is gonna make your skin glow and tell your whatever, it's just like, people are selling you something. That I don't think is missing. It's just you don't know how to utilize it. Utilize it or see it.
Dominique Astorino 38:53
It's already there.
Jenny Gaither 38:53
It's already there!
Dominique Astorino 38:54
Yeah. Oh, that's such a good perspective. Okay, so on that point, I know you're like, I don't really give advice. And now I'm like, can you give us some advice?
Jenny Gaither 39:01
I can offer so I'll offer like if people ask...
Dominique Astorino 39:08
So like, if I'M asking?
Jenny Gaither 39:11
Yeah
Dominique Astorino 39:12
Okay, cool. Cool. Cool. It's because I'm like, Alright, the number one question on our minds, most of our minds is like, why am I insecure about X, Y, or Z? And how do I get over that and feel more confident? I think everyone I mean, I don't want to paint with a broad brush, but I feel like everyone wants to be a little more confident. I don't know many people who are like, I'm perfectly happy with how confident I am in every area of my life. Like my relationship life, how I feel about myself, my finances, my home life, my career. Like everyone's got a point that feels like an insecurity to them. Everyone wants to be a little more confident. But how like that's that's the big question. That's why all these other ...
Jenny Gaither 39:50
We could be here for years I have so much to say but I will say I'm trying to collect all my thoughts. I have ADHD so I'm watching all my thoughts flyway I'm like NOOO come back! Come back here!
Dominique Astorino 40:02
Yeah, TikTok thinks I have ADHD too. They tell me every day!
Jenny Gaither 40:04
TikTok needs to stop with that.
Dominique Astorino 40:06
They are...
Jenny Gaither 40:06
Pushing it!
Dominique Astorino 40:07
... pathologizing my life like...
Jenny Gaither 40:09
Horrible!
Dominique Astorino 40:09
I'm like, am I neurodivergent?
Jenny Gaither 40:11
Oh my god.
Dominique Astorino 40:12
Squirrel! But yeah, totally.
Jenny Gaither 40:14
Squirrel squirrel squirrel.
Dominique Astorino 40:14
Yeah.
Jenny Gaither 40:15
So, one, what does that even mean to you?
Dominique Astorino 40:19
What does confidence mean? Okay, I'm going to write this down.
Jenny Gaither 40:21
Nobody can answer that question. When I ask my clients that they have no idea what that actually looks like for themselves. Because confidence, for me looks very different from confidence for you.
Dominique Astorino 40:32
Okay, I actually have an answer. Maybe we could workshop this right now. So for anyone listening at home, I am writing down in my journal. And if you have a journal to What does confidence mean to you? It's like a really great starting point. Thank you, Jenny. I'm going to workshop this with you right now
Jenny Gaither 40:47
Let's do it.
Dominique Astorino 40:47
Confidence to me, means higher rejection resilience. And this is a concept. I don't know if it exists elsewhere. I didn't copy this from anyone, but I don't think I invented it. I talked about this with one of my closest friends, the idea that you are not so scared of rejection, that it keeps you from doing certain things. I am so afraid of rejection that I won't ask a hotel lobby worker if I can use their bathroom when I'm on a walk, because I'm like, what if they say no, it is the dumbest thing. But it bleeds into so many areas of my life where I don't want to be rejected. And in my mind, being more confident is having a higher rejection resilience. So I can go chase something, even with the biggest risk that I will be rejected for something that I really want, like, much higher stakes, and can I pee in your toilet? You know, so that, to me, is confidence, like being able to like go out there and not worry so much about what other people think or? Yeah, like the idea of being rejected.
Jenny Gaither 41:47
Okay. So what you focus on grows, right. And so there are a couple of things that I want to add in before I answer your question. One. Confidence isn't a static state. It's a feeling okay, so our feelings come from our thoughts. So if you want to feel confident, you have to think things that generate a feeling of confidence in your body. Okay, now, rejection is what? It's a feeling. It's a feeling in your body.
Dominique Astorino 42:16
Of being enough.
Jenny Gaither 42:18
Yeah, that's, that's the thought that generates that feeling. And so when we are running away from feelings like rejection or embarrassment, humiliation, fear, failure. When we run away from those feelings, we're saying, I can't, I'm not capable of handling that. And so the secret you guys are about to get the like, craziest secret of life. It's gonna change your life. But if you're willing to feel any emotion, you can do anything. And so when you dumb it down, literally, like, break it down to what it is. Rejection is literally physical sensations in your body. Yeah. What does it feel like to you? In your body?
Dominique Astorino 43:05
Okay, let me think about the last time I was rejected. Uh... I haven't applied to a job in a long time...
Jenny Gaither 43:12
Maybe like, pit in your stomach?
Dominique Astorino 43:14
Yeah, pit in the stomach for sure. Oh, cheeks getting hot like embarrassment.
Jenny Gaither 43:18
Kind of like that flush.
Dominique Astorino 43:19
Flush, like hot face. Adrenaline kind of surge. Like I have to run away right? Or fake my own death. Yeah, that like heart palpitations ... does that sound?
Jenny Gaither 43:31
Yeah, yeah.
Dominique Astorino 43:32
All right.
Jenny Gaither 43:32
Yeah.
Dominique Astorino 43:33
I mean, I guess it's my body. So
Jenny Gaither 43:36
I experience something similar. But what's wrong with that?
Dominique Astorino 43:40
Yeah, it's it's we have to this is like such a trope, but like the whole getting comfortable being uncomfortable. Like, yeah, it's true.
Jenny Gaither 43:49
Yeah. And it's just being like, what am I feeling instead of being like, Oh, I'm feeling rejection in saying it rejection, but like, what is it actually in your body? Because when you say rejection, it's as if it's this monster. It's coming out of the closet chasing you.
Dominique Astorino 44:03
We create a narrative.
Jenny Gaither 44:04
Yeah. And then it becomes something so much bigger than it needs to be. But if you're like, Oh, I just feel a pit in my stomach. And I'm really hot. And I feel like queasy. Okay. And then I can be like, Okay, I can handle that. Yeah, for five minutes.
Dominique Astorino 44:18
Well, yeah, if we focus on like, the physical, let's say, like, we go into the narrative, though.
Jenny Gaither 44:23
And so this is the difference, right?
Dominique Astorino 44:25
Like, I'm not good enough for this job. I wasn't good enough. For whatever reason, like there's something wrong with me where I'm not allowed to use the hotel lobby bathroom I don't know.
Jenny Gaither 44:35
So our mind is so fascinating, and I love learning about the brain and the brain is wired to keep us safe. And belonging is like I think number one community is number one in terms of safety. Yeah, a brain is our brain, a brain. Our brain is wired to keep us safe. And so rejection there was a study I forgot who did it. That was done on rats actually. And when they feel rejection, it's actual physical pain in their body like pain, and that we feel it as well. And it's just because we're so hardwired to survive. And, you know, if we were to go back hundreds, thousands of years, we would. we've relied on communities to stay alive. And so here's the secret sauce. Rejection isn't the problem, what you're making rejection mean, is the problem.
Dominique Astorino 45:31
Because it's not about our safety anymore. Most of the time.
Jenny Gaither 45:33
Well, yeah. And so because you were rejected, let's say, by a job, or by someone at the hotel lobby that said no campaign here. What are you making that mean about you, though?
Dominique Astorino 45:44
Yeah. That and that's the thing. I can't make it mean anything like, Can I use your bathroom? Like, why does that no trigger that fear... that fear response, right? Like, that I have to run away.
Jenny Gaither 45:57
Well, well, so normally, like people internalize the "no", as something is wrong with me, or I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy, yada, yada, yada. And we and when we do that, we're just reconfirming and re solidifying and making that belief stronger. So a thought is something that happens. We have 40 to 60,000 thoughts today, and it floats in it floats out and floats in and floats out...
Dominique Astorino 46:22
We have 60,000 thoughts a day?
Jenny Gaither 46:24
Oh, yeah. Girl.
Dominique Astorino 46:25
Christ. Okay,
Jenny Gaither 46:26
There's a party going on in there all the time.
Dominique Astorino 46:28
I knew it was a million internet tabs. I just knew it.
Jenny Gaither 46:32
Yeah, lots. But it's just so interesting that we continue to pick the same ones, right and repeat. So that's what's called a thought loop. And it when it repeats, and we repeat it, when you focus on it, that's when it becomes a belief.
Dominique Astorino 46:47
Okay, wow.
Jenny Gaither 46:48
And that's when you identify, like, your identity is now in this. And you think it's you like, if you think like, I'm not creative, like, that's who I am. Because one kid told me this in fifth grade, and...
Dominique Astorino 47:04
That's my life story now, this is my my villain origin story.
Jenny Gaither 47:06
I've repeated it long enough that I'm not creative. So I can't do creative things. And
Dominique Astorino 47:11
I'm having like therapy level epiphanies right now. Like, I'm not gonna, like unload personally. But there's, there's the 60,000 thoughts going off in my brain right now.
Jenny Gaither 47:19
She's stuck.
Dominique Astorino 47:21
Like, Oh, wow. Like the thought loop that has become a belief that has fed into this, like, fear of rejection, which erodes confidence that is wild.
Jenny Gaither 47:32
So if, okay, so like, let's say, people want to be confident, and they don't want to experience rejection. And what I have to say to that is, then you don't really want to be confident. If you're confident, you don't give a fuck — sorry, if I can't say that...
Dominique Astorino 47:49
You can say whatever you want!
Jenny Gaither 47:51
— if you're rejected. And mind you like confidence, again, is a feeling so it comes and goes, it's not like, it's a person. It's not a state of being it's comes and goes. And so, you know, I don't want anyone to think that, like, you're supposed to just land there, and you're forever there. But it's, again, like when a thought becomes a belief. It's, you've tapped in faster and stronger.
Dominique Astorino 48:14
It's hard to break.
Jenny Gaither 48:14
It's like, yeah, and it's like less work, right? So when you are really building confidence, and it gets stronger, it does become more automatic than operating out of insecurities. So the thing with confidence, you can talk about it all day, but the only way to build confidence is in the action of it. So let's say I'm trying to actually I am trying to do this right now, but I haven't gone out. So that's making this a little difficult. But my goal is to just go up to guys. Yeah, at bars on the street anywhere and just if I think they're attractive, just like talk to them, because
Dominique Astorino 48:52
I'm staring at you like whaaaat
Jenny Gaither 48:53
I know, like, crazy. Crazy. Yeah, because I just anyways, the story as to why is irrelevant. But I, if I don't have the confidence to do that. I can't just like sit here and, like, build the will to like, like, Finally...
Dominique Astorino 49:18
...Just muster the courage. Yeah, it's an active practice.
Jenny Gaither 49:21
It's an active practice. The more I do it, the more confident I am. So there's a difference between self confidence and confidence. Okay, self confidence is when you haven't done something before. So I haven't run my own business full time before. So in order to do that, I have to build this inner trust, confidence, courage, bravery, self confidence to do it. Believe in yourself. Yeah, because I've never done it before. Okay. And so, confidence is based on prior experiences. Okay, I can ride a stationary bike and you you know, in my sleep...
Dominique Astorino 49:58
and be damned good at it!
Jenny Gaither 50:00
Until I'm 80, you probably can be damn good at it. And I'm very confident in that because I did it for so long.
Dominique Astorino 50:06
But you can't get that without getting out there and doing it. Okay. Okay. So self confidence, believing in yourself before you've even done something. Right. And general confidence is I know I'm good at this because I've done it. This is good.
Jenny Gaither 50:21
Yeah. And so to get to self confidence, which clearly is more challenging, it's focusing on pumping up, volume up on the areas that you're already confident. Okay. And when trying something like talking to a guy, start in a way that's like, less, like, using my example, like, less like, directive, me just going up to some guy in a bar, like, me talking to the waiter and saying, Thanks, how was your day? Like finding
Dominique Astorino 50:52
Baby steps?
Jenny Gaither 50:53
Baby steps!
Dominique Astorino 50:54
okay, build up to right. Okay. So if you get knocked down at a baby step, it's not like a colossal feeling of, I guess rejection, right?
Jenny Gaither 51:01
yeah. And then you're like, oh, yeah, that was kind of fun. Or like, yeah. Or it was just nice to have a conversation with a human being,
Dominique Astorino 51:08
you get a little like social high. Little bump up. Okay, yes. Love that. So I'm coming back to this idea of like, doing these baby steps to overcome this insecurity. And that insecurity from what I'm gathering is coming from a feeling of not being enough in some capacity, not being smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, like whatever it is, like successful enough, like it's not being enough of something. Is that a common theme that you've noticed as well?
Jenny Gaither 51:40
Yes. I think that if we were to, like dive into everyone's souls like that is the deep fear that we might not be.
Dominique Astorino 51:48
I'm not enough. And if I'm, if I'm not enough, I'm not safe.
Jenny Gaither 51:51
Exactly.
Dominique Astorino 51:52
Okay. So it's a matter of rejecting the narrative that you're not enough. And reminding yourself that you are safe, but like, also, no one is 100%. Safe?
Jenny Gaither 52:03
Well, yeah, and safety is, again, if thought and a feeling that you create, it's not a place. It's not just ...
Dominique Astorino 52:12
This is like a Sunday sermon.
Jenny Gaither 52:13
Yeah, it's not a dollar amount. It's not like, as we've learned, and as I've really learned in the past year is like, I was telling my clients, this, literally this week, on our group call, everything that you can have can disappear tomorrow, today. And so we don't talk about this enough as adults, or like, as, you know, in school, or parents, as parents, like we should be telling our kids that life is whether we like it or not ever changing. So like, let's think of it from a friend's perspective. When I was in San Francisco, the amount of people that moved in and out of that city, in five years...
Dominique Astorino 52:54
the turnover!
Jenny Gaither 52:55
...was insane. Like I had core groups of girlfriends, and then all of a sudden, a year later gone, every single one of them. And so it's like, we think, oh my gosh, I've built this community, I finally feel so good. I found this cycling class where I feel like I belong. And then a year later, studios not there anymore, or it's not the same instructor list are like everything changes. And so basically, what I'm saying is we get attached. And instead of saying like, this is my safety, like, I am building a sense of safety, and within myself, and I'm appreciating all of these things that are aligning and feel really good while I have them. Yeah, instead of being like, dang, I really wish that I could go back to those times where we all lived in the same city, or my friend didn't have her boyfriend. And yeah, everyone has babies, you know,
Dominique Astorino 53:49
Been there.
Jenny Gaither 53:49
Yeah. Because that's gonna happen. It's just always inevitable.
Dominique Astorino 53:53
This is what this is reminding me of. And this is just how my brain is processing what you're telling me it's like, okay, yes, we like to have people in our lives who keep us going that little bit of like, external feeling of safety in this case, but we need it on the inside. And I'm thinking right now about the time that I ran a half marathon. And there were like, no cheerleaders on the outside. And it was the first time I realized how important they were, how important like those random strangers holding signs that are like, if Britney made it through 2008, you can make it through 13 miles, like, you know, cheering you on. Like, I didn't realize how important that was to me, until I didn't have that, which reminded me of the value of that like, you know, external feeling, whether it's of safety or support, or love or whatever. But I still got through the race itself. Like I didn't need it to like, get through and to make it and to keep running like that was all inside. And it's like a weird way of processing it.
Jenny Gaither 54:46
No, that's I think that's a great example because we think that it's because of those people we got through Yeah, but we're not giving ourselves any credit. And when you don't give yourself credit. No wonder you don't have confidence. Yeah, because you're saying it's because of these people. that you got through, right? No, like, yes. Having a support system, obviously.
Dominique Astorino 55:04
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Jenny Gaither 55:05
It's beautiful. And I want everyone to have one. Literally, I wish I could give them out. You know it. So I always this question always comes down to, especially with my clients and with myself, it's like, at the end of the day, if everything was taken away from you, would you be okay? And I asked my clients this and like, by the end of the our time working together, it's an emotional question, because they're in a positive way, because they say yes, and it's something that they had never felt before. And it's, it's not something that, you know, is going to come from like being with yourself for 30 minutes in the woods, like, this is an ongoing practice of, again, like trust falls trust exercises within yourself. And really, honestly giving yourself the credit that you deserve. Every single one of you out there listening right now. You know who you are? Because nobody likes to give themselves credit. Especially women
Dominique Astorino 56:04
We're afraid of being like narcissistic or too into ourselves, or whatever it is.
Jenny Gaither 56:07
Yeah. And every time you downplay yourself, you are creating a lack of trust.
Dominique Astorino 56:13
Wow. Yeah.
Jenny Gaither 56:14
And you're feeding into the lack of worthiness. Like you're just creating this cycle. And so this, I'm sorry to keep bringing up because this is all related, weirdly to like all the things that I was talking about this week with some of my clients, but another one of my clients was talking about how she has this behavior that is like self sabotaging. And I asked her why she does it. And she was like, honestly, I don't know. And there's so many situations where we're all doing that to ourselves. Because we're just familiar. It's just what we know, again, patterns and habits. And we are taught to unlearn all of the things that we've learned in childhood, and
Dominique Astorino 57:02
We aren't even aware that some things need to be unlearned.
Jenny Gaither 57:05
Exactly, yeah. And...
Dominique Astorino 57:07
You don't know what you don't know.
Jenny Gaither 57:09
It's so separating. Yeah. So like moral of the story, like separating yourself from social media, for periods of the day and friends and family and having that quiet time with yourself, even if it's 10 minutes, like in the shower, putting your hands on your heart, and just like being with yourself, so many people are afraid of this, they've realized so scary. Yeah. But like, what you'll find is that fear is not going to kill you. And if you just drop into your body, and just like feel the weight of your bones into your feet and into the ground, and you just breathe, all of a sudden, you feel more calm than you've probably felt in the week. Last month last year.
Dominique Astorino 57:49
I'm gonna do that today.
Jenny Gaither 57:51
Yeah, I do a lot of my like, self work in the shower
Dominique Astorino 57:56
Shower is a fun time. I got like a pink shower speaker for like some fun music. Yeah, I'll send you the Amazon link. But like, I put plants in there some crystals, like totally tricked out the shower.
Jenny Gaither 58:09
Yeah. Yes. Like whatever works for you.
Dominique Astorino 58:12
But it's your alone time. Yeah.
Jenny Gaither 58:14
And you know, habit stacking where you're adding something to something you're already doing is why it's easy
Dominique Astorino 58:19
Atomic Habits!
Jenny Gaither 58:21
Yeah, exactly. But so like, I'm always gonna shower. So like, Yeah, I'm in there. It's like, oh, yeah, this is what I do in the shower.
Dominique Astorino 58:27
Yeah, do my mental work. Love that. Okay, so we've been chatting for a bit, and I don't want to take more of your time.
Jenny Gaither 58:34
I could talk to you all day.
Dominique Astorino 58:35
Like this is gonna be a seven hour podcast. I have two questions. I'll try to make them quick from listeners. I'm very excited about this. So our first caller, our first listener, Sarah in Knoxville, Tennessee. For those who haven't felt confident in a long time, we've been stuck. She's talking about being kind of forced to be stagnant through COVID. We've been stuck for a while. How do we navigate growth and change after being stuck for so long? How do we get those wheels back in motion to see that change we want to see in ourselves?
Jenny Gaither 59:08
I think so. I love this quote. There isn't better than here... and I think this is the bigger story too, for all of us is that, you know, once I do this, like, I feel better. And once I'm out of my house from the pandemic and my life is moving forward, I'll feel better. And it's only going to feel better because you're telling yourself that but then as soon as you get there, it's not going to it's going to the thoughts are going to change and then your reality is going to be more of the same and then you're going to need to get somewhere else. But there whether it's a million dollars house kids, beautiful dog Stella... there isn't better than here. It's just you thought you think about it differently. So for example, weight loss is a really easy example too
Dominique Astorino 59:59
I think a lot of people om post, I guess lock-down ... COVID I guess we're still technically in... I think a lot of people post-lockdown are still dealing with physical body issues.
Jenny Gaither 1:00:10
Yeah. So like, let's use weight loss as an example. So if the goal is to lose 10 pounds, because they think I'm gonna like my body more, when I lose 10 pounds, I like my body more, because I'm thinking about my body differently, right? But then my thoughts again, probably will change and I'll worry about gaining it back or want to lose more. And so nothing is ever enough. If we have this mentality of I need to get somewhere like I lacked something to be happy. So yes, so what I would suggest, and this is something that I've been practicing myself is not where I want to go. But where do I want to be right now? Like, what makes me feel really good now? I feel Yeah, like moving my body hanging out with awesome people like, I'm in the so the first six months of this year tangent, I was sick with COVID. Yeah, like very sick, very, very sick. And so I feel like I kind of didn't really experience anything but COVID for the first six months of this year. And so the rest of this year is all about play, and just just joy. Like, I went to the fair, I wrote every ride. So 10 years old, and it was the greatest thing of my life. So, you know, it's less about like, where you're trying to go and just making like, how can you make the best of this moment right now? Because maybe this is really awesome. Because the more you're focusing on what's in front of you, you're missing this moment. Yeah. And when you're focusing on this moment, you're getting closer to the longer goals.
Dominique Astorino 1:01:47
Love that. You can change your perspective now, to get unstuck...
Jenny Gaither 1:01:52
if you want to lose the weight, or if you want to get back and to moving and grooving again, post pandemic
Dominique Astorino 1:02:00
post panini
Jenny Gaither 1:02:01
you might get overwhelmed by that you might like, try to go to a class that you did before the pandemic and you are nowhere near that athletic ability, and then you feel worse, and you go home and you binge on food. So having this goal can sometimes self sabotage us and make us feel worse, as opposed to what is like getting moving and motivated me and for me right now that's actually tangible, because that's gonna get you to the bigger goal of like, you know, your life moving forward and growing and all that
Dominique Astorino 1:02:33
feeling like you're in motion again.
Jenny Gaither 1:02:34
Yeah, yeah. In control.
Dominique Astorino 1:02:36
Yeah. Okay. Second caller. Like pretending this is a radio show.
Jenny Gaither 1:02:41
We should have a radio show.
Dominique Astorino 1:02:43
It would be so fun. Okay, from Avery and Panama City Beach, Florida. Hi, Avery.
Jenny Gaither 1:02:48
Wassup Averyyy!
Dominique Astorino 1:02:50
Okay, she says I just started a new job a huge leap in the role, responsibilities and salary than the previous job. Do you have any advice on how I can remain confident and appear confident in my abilities? While I'm in the thick of the learning stages?
Jenny Gaither 1:03:05
Yes. Be honest. Yeah, be messy. When you don't know something, own it. People find that confident as opposed to pretending that you know, and then later, like,
Dominique Astorino 1:03:18
you know, discovering that shit hit the fan behind.
Jenny Gaither 1:03:21
And you're really in trouble. But like, I find confidence is when someone's like, you're right, I totally messed up, or I don't know what that is, but I will figure it out. And so self awareness and ownership, transparency and like, be authentic, be genuine, and show that that is what's gonna make you the best for this role. Because the more honest you are about what you don't know, then you have all this information that you're gonna learn. And that's what's gonna give you the power in the role to be the most confident as opposed to pretending you don't and then ever learning.
Dominique Astorino 1:03:54
And then it's what you were saying about, like, you'll get that experience that practice and then you'll have the confidence from that practice. Yep, building that muscle just like exercise. Yes, Jenny. This was so wonderful. If listeners... not if, when our listeners want to find more from you hear more from you work with you. All that good stuff. Where can they keep working this confidence muscle.
Jenny Gaither 1:04:17
I love that, um, you can visit me on the gram. I'm really integrals these days. It's just at Jenny gates. Love the real. I literally am like I'm a cinematographer. And BraveBaveCoaching.com is where you'll find all of my coaching stuff. And I just started a blog on there. So I, I my email list and my blog will have a lot of like resources and stuff similar to what we talked about today and more that's like free and so I just yeah,
Dominique Astorino 1:04:50
oh, AND... upcoming podcast, correct? Dive Deep with Jenny.
Jenny Gaither 1:04:57
I am starting on podcasts, y'all.
Dominique Astorino 1:05:00
Y'all!
Jenny Gaither 1:05:01
I know I feel like I haven't like really fully
Dominique Astorino 1:05:05
launched
Jenny Gaither 1:05:06
No just like processed that that's happening but it's totally happening.
Dominique Astorino 1:05:09
Okay cool
Jenny Gaither 1:05:10
and so look out for that dive deep with Jenny Gaither!
Dominique Astorino 1:05:14
I'm very excited... available where Podcasts can be found.
Jenny Gaither 1:05:18
Yeah, so my like secret power is like my vulnerability and so get ready from great stories so yeah, like how I got stuck in Mexico with COVID and How I escaped?
Dominique Astorino 1:05:30
Oh my god, I'm really excited for this. I haven't even heard this full story.
Jenny Gaither 1:05:36
It's good.
Dominique Astorino 1:05:37
Okay, good good. Oh Stella wants to participate. Jenny we love you!
Jenny Gaither 1:05:41
I love you so much. I'm so proud of you. You're a rock star.
Dominique Astorino 1:05:44
You're a rock star! Wouldn't be here without
Jenny Gaither 1:05:46
I'm inspired. Always.
Dominique Astorino 1:05:48
Thank you sister.
Jenny Gaither 1:05:49
Heart you.
OUTRO
Dominique Astorino 1:05:50
We're so grateful you've tuned in today. How incredible was that coaching from Jenny! I personally took hella notes and I am going to be referring back. I hope you get out there and start doing your confidence exercises because you deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel proud of yourself confident in who you are and happy in your skin. It's definitely not going to happen overnight. Unless you're a warlock or Zendaya. Probably not even Zendaya though she's a Virgo. We struggle in this territory. So yeah, probably just a warlock. Anyway, we'd love to hear from you. And know what you want to learn next. Coaching therapy candid convos, taboo topics, educational sessions, you name it. Drop us a line at — imfine@thisisfinepodcast.com — All right, we love you. We believe in you go forth little butterflies dance in the wind. Byeeee.
CREDITS
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of This is fine. I've been your host Dominique Michelle Astorino. We're based in San Diego recording in studio at DLI productions in Pacific Beach with Emmy award winning sound designer Dan De La Isla. This is a comedy and advice podcast but for legal reasons. This entire podcast is a joke and none of it is medical advice. To download a transcript or learn more visit thisisfinepodcast.com
