Bonus Ep. (American Girl Doll Memes)
We Need an American Girl Doll Who Listens to This Is Fine! and Has a Golden Retriever on Prozac
So today is a special solo episode… a bonus episode… a “gift” (quote unquote) for my best friend Olivia, who requested this, because her birthday was a couple days ago and I didn’t get to see her in person.
I’m coming to you with some hard hitting journalism… an anthropological deep dive into the cultural phenomenon of the American Girl Doll memes.
It’s giving Y2K, it’s giving nostalgia, it’s giving darkly-humored girl power.
As a side note, I did not have an American Girl Doll growing up because my mom said hell no, those accessories are expensive as hell and never ending, this fandom is a money pit. And while she was right, this is one thing I can never forgive her for. Sorry mom. I ended up with a Bitty Baby, which is American Girl’s version of a baby doll and their one offering for the poors. The dolls today are $115 base price, and the outfits and sets you can buy are just as expensive.
Anyway, back to the memes.
My hot take — I had to come up with an opinion before i read the articles — but here’s my thought: In an era where adult women feel their very existence is threatened, we harken back to the inspirational figures of our youth, adapted to current scenarios with more relevant themes, using humor — sardonic, off the wall, or otherwise — as a coping mechanism.
As girls, the dolls and their stories — all within specific historical contexts and moments in history — inspired us to dream big, persevere, stick together, and kick ass. The reprise of these figures in adulthood serves as equal parts nostalgic comfort and coping mechanism, with a through line of truth.
American Girl Doll memes aren’t new, but a particular new brand is taking off lately. Huffington Post says “the dolls have become a rallying cry for the series of unfortunate historical events we’ve been living through.”
Rewinding a bit. Media empire Betches — shout out to anyone who remembers when they were a blog called Betches Luv This — created a meme around the Samantha doll, the patron saint doll of cool girls everywhere, as well as the other classics…. These revamped descriptions will actually bring you up to speed if you’re not familiar with the dolls or you just need a refresher. I’m gonna read [three].
Samantha. Rich betch Samantha splits her time between her grand Mary's mansion just outside Westchester and her boyfriend's palatial townhouse in the Upper East Side, where she lives off rosé and drama. She pioneered the comeback of headbands and opened up her own online headband store with 10% of the proceeds going to her favorite women's organizations. Samantha isn't engaged yet but already has a ring design on hold at several high end jewelers.
Addy. Addy spends her free time attending town hall meetings and contacting her local representatives. She's the only one in your friend group who is actually busy when she says she can't make brunch and not just hungover. That said, she's definitely your most adult friend and is the one that you go to first when you need help updating your resume. Just don't ask her for too many proofreading favors because soon she's going to open up her own consulting business and might start charging you.
Molly. Even though Molly is actually good at TikTok dances, her most popular videos are her blooper reels. While semi social media famous Molly is less lucky in love her longest relationship has been with her braids. Her friends are trying to get her to be less picky. Or at least remove this line from her dating app profile: "My dream date is to fly to Paris so I could finally fit in wearing a beret."
So, that brings us to today. The new meme format is “We need an American Girl doll who …” — Instead of the American Girl Dolls who grew up during the Mexican War of Independence and tried to save a baby goat, or who learned to care for others during her pretty chill life during the World War II era, we now have a more ironic take — one that the New York Times says “provides sly social criticism.” AGREE.
Some of the memes make nods to pop culture references, like “WE NEED AN AMERICAN GIRL DOLL who scammed millions from investors with the promise of a start-up social club.” — an obvious nod to Anna Delvey. Others are way more obscure, like, “WE NEED AN AMERICAN GIRL DOLL who survived the dancing plague of 1518.”
My platonic-wife Cheyenne’s contribution to this comes from a Y7 take on this meme, we need an American Girl Doll who cries during savasana.
Amazing, I love it.
My favorite, of course, is "We need an American Girl doll who will sign the executive order to cancel all student debt."
Yes. Who is she? I want one for my future child.
I’ll share some links on our Patreon page so you can see what we’re talking about – pre-paywall, don’t worry, I’m not a sociopath.
The account that’s generating the bulk of these memes is called Hell-icity Merriman, named after American Girl Felicity Merriman, and it's run by Barrett Adair. I can’t find a ton of info on this girl, other than her Twitter profile, which confirms that she is indeed an Aries and here to start some shit.
In a matter of weeks, this Instagram account has grown to over 175,000 followers, which is impressive particularly because Instagram is a dying platform, at least with the younger crowd.
Another total side note… I went online and found out that American Girl has created a sort of inception… you can now buy an American Girl Doll FOR YOUR AMERICAN GIRL DOLL. They have miniature versions of all the major ones. This is f*cking bonkers, dude.
In sum, this inside joke amongst a particular set of millennials and Gen Z has provided some camaraderie, humor, and levity during — wait for it — unprecedented times.
Oh, and Olivia’s contribution to this episode and this topic is her concept for a screenplay. The premise: American Girl Dolls travel thru time from their era of origin, to present day, and they have to save America from a corrupt president.
I would watch that.
